This time, when confronting another soul-shattering loss, Bobbi drew upon what she had learned from her now-late husband. She needed to be there for her son and she needed to find something to hold on to.
Bobbi quickly remembered some words Jason shared with his parents after they all lost Kayla. He reminded them that there were no guarantees how long he would be here either.
It wasn‘t a fatalistic message; it was more a reminder to appreciate what you have now.
Thinking back to how Jason conducted himself, and viewed life as a whole, Bobbi noted, “Every day Jason woke up he was thankful for that day. I‘m trying to continue that with Jaxx. I want this kid to be positive. I don‘t want him to be sad. I want him to be thankful that we have been given this day. You need to be totally thankful for anything we have been given on this earth, and thankful to who we come across, who we meet, and who God puts in our path. And we also need to have fun.”
She has thought a lot about those final days with Kevin and Jason, and in looking back she thinks there were signs and even messages she was left to decode. One thing is for certain: You never get over losses like those that Bobbi Johnson has faced. Ever.
They will be a part of her personal biography until the day she passes.
The question was how much she would allow these horrible blows to control her emotions and behavior. One reason she has been successful at keeping her head high is the simple fact that she has figured all of this out.
“You are never over it,” she said firmly. “It was going on 20 years and before Jason passed away, I was still talking about Kevin. You are never over anything when you lose someone you love. You just find that new step to go forward each day. You still want to be able to talk about them and reminisce. I still have moments, and sometimes I cry in the shower.”
She also had to be there for her son.
One conversation with Jason will likely stick with her forever.
“I just think about stuff Jason said in the motorhome going to Beaver Dam,” she said.
It was the place where he ran his last race and where he took his last breath. Johnson was preaching about how important it was for children to have both mother and father figures in their life. He punctuated his remarks by referencing situations where this was not the case.
She recalled that he capped his remarks by saying, “Bobbi, a kid deserves that life.”
She remembers almost dismissively thinking, “Whatever.” But now she gets it.
“He was talking about our life,” she said. “That was the whole thing. So, I was not going to just sit around and cry; I was going to try to keep this kid positive.”
This story will be continued in Jason Johnson Racing: Still Strong, Part II. 